For the past few weeks I've been accumulating so much pleasure, and this makes me nothing but more anxious about the things in store for indecisive people such as I am.

I have always been afraid of the future. The odds of having opportunities brandishing themselves as the best choices right before my very eyes, consistent manifestations of profound regret dancing around with every excellent selection missed, different people and approaches to deal with as I go on, every single shit of both kinds required for me to go through...

So, yeah. I could go on listing every single thing that makes me more uneasy about that menacing six-letter term which, whether I approve of it or not, will soon unfold to me, but I'd rather not tell more about it. Thinking about it wears me off like a slobbering canine more than physical education could.

Never will I be capable of just ordering the future to piss off, to stop dogging every single footstep I make, or to come by the time I'm all set for it. Inescapable, it truly is.

I could never escape the fact that my father's arriving tomorrow, and all hope of wishing to visit p*rn sites online are now all into thin air. I could never escape the fact that only in quite a few months, I'd be off to college somewhere in an institution where my wits' capabilities truly lie. I could never escape the fact that I have been welcoming upsetting changes rather than the healthier ones. I could never escape the fact that I now have to grow into something more mature. I could never escape the fact that I have been losing quite a handful of friends as months pass by. And again, it goes on and on and on.

"All we can do for the future is to plan for it." - Kristel Yap

I'm sorry I had to sponge that line off your vlag for a while. (it's not even the exact one, I think) I just find it appropriate to convey the thoughtful sentiment I'm submerged into as of now.

The moment we make wrong moves as early as now, (in some aspects of life, that is) it is our future which will soon pay the price. We control our own future by preparing well for it. Assumptions and estimations about it will never be capable of such.

Now why be afraid of the future?

It is up to us whether we'd do well on our college entrance exams, so as to land off into good universities. It is but up to us whether we choose to embrace better changes and benefit from it or not. It is but up to us whether we make that fine selection of having established personas and, again, benefit from it. It is but up to us to - if we wish to - still have that indissoluble bond we have with our friends still intact or otherwise. We are the ones in charge. We steer our own wheels.

But, if all else fails after doing every single thing necessary to claim that bright future we think we deserve, don't just thrash away all the hope like throwing corn wastes off a bin.

There is hope for a better future as long as we live.

We live because of this hope, and this hope, if you must know, will never subside.

I mentioned something about me losing quite a handful of friends as months pass by.

In my honest opinion, I think I'm better off with these guys losing their cling up on my sleeve rather than being there and yet not having that so-called refuge we should both be feeling. Look at me when I lost daily contacts with those people. I think (I’m stressing this) I've grown into a better being with a rather "raised" persona such as theirs. You who continuously mock people of being financially challenged while you yourselves are being dastardly irritating as time passes by. You who do nothing but mention about men and on how insensitive they could possibly get.

And speaking of insensitivity, I'm quite sure I'm not having someone like her right off the hook, am I not?

SHE is one of the most insensitive people I've ever stumbled upon, mocking her best friend of having ear infections or being socially unwell when, in all possibilities, her best friend's irk were all situated on her dark face. The best friend obviously needed help for being in that deep shit, and we were not able to hand it to her right away. The feeling sucks.

Oh well.

At naging insensitive din pala ako kanina. Damn me. I must go to hell. And to think that this wasn't the first time I've become one. At IKAW na naman ang napagbuhusan ko...

Now I feel like being in deep shit. The feeling sucks. WHEN will I ever learn?

I am so sorry. I love you very much.

Si ANGELA MARGEAUX TOLENTINO rin pala, nagiging DISTANT na. Pinapaalala ko lang. Baka kasi hindi na niya alam, or it doesn't matter anymore.

Ang pinakamamahal kong pamilya. Ilan pa kaya sa inyo ang makakahalubilo ko pagtungtong ng kolehiyo at makakasama kong mag-chillax sa kung saan man para makipagkwentuhan? Ayoko na kasi ng panibagong pamilya eh. Kayo at kayo lang ang gusto ko.